Abby Cadabby Creamed By Crypto-Cabby

San Francisco – A spokesperson for the Children’s Television Workshop has confirmed that Abby Cadabby, a beloved star of the children’s television program Sesame Street, was struck and killed by the driver of a “Lyft” taxi in San Francisco’s Mission district recently. Cadabby was identified from dma samples taken from body parts which were found lodged in the grille of the car. Positive identification of the remains had been delayed due to the unrecognizable condition of her body, due to what was apparently an extremely violent case of muppetslaughter. The CTW spokesperson cautioned that parents may want to avoid sharing the full details of Cadabby’s passing with young fans of the late actress. Cadabby was three years old, and in training to be a fairy.


Police caution that there have been numerous reports of other “ride-sharing” vehicles allegedly running down muppets. San Francisco officials seem to have lost control of the number of unregulated and unsupervised vehicles plying for hire in that city. Reports indicate that there are not enough taxis available to meet demand in San Francisco, due to a lack of licensed taxi drivers resulting from recent requirements that cabdrivers undergo mandatory drug screening. This has led city and cab company officials to consider desperate measures, such as bussing in drivers from distant locations, outside the Bay Area, where it is hoped that sober drivers can be found. In the meantime, many of the former taxi drivers now reputedly work for “Lyft” and similarly companies, which promote a more lax, drug-friendly culture.


Rumors circulated that Elmo, a former colleage of Cadabby’s who recently lost his job on the same television show, had moved to San Francisco to work for an unlicensed taxi service, and thus was suspected to have some involvement with the case. WCN reporters have ascertained that while the former muppet star does in fact now reside in San Francisco, he drives for a different “ridesharing” service than the driver involved in Cadabby’s death.